Snow ...... Transformation

 Well the south got snow for the second time this year and we are only 21 days into the year......I mean if you count that last fall of ice and sleet combined as "snowfall" then this is the second time ;)

Watching the fake fire crackle on the TV and the snow falling and really accumulating outside made me think of when I was in elementary school and if it snowed (rare in the south) the teachers would take us outside with black paper so when the snowflakes hit we could quickly see the crystals that make them up before they melted. It is true that if you get a view at one simple snowflake they really do look like this amazing complex collection of crystals all joined together. 

When snow forms it is because the water vapor freezes onto particles creating ice crystals and those crystals stick more and more to make the snowflake and when it becomes really heavy then it falls to the ground.  Snow is a transformation of the water vapor.......

If I think about this process I can relate it to my difficulty lately in life and all I have traveled through. I have felt like I formed or adapted around this particle or piece of something here that I did not want here.....this empty void of my life I am moving into now and as more and more fused around me I have become so heavy.  I think of the snowflake falling and then I think of being on the ground but instead of being in snow I rise from the ashes in a ball of fire like the Phoenix.

Today I did not feel so much like the Phoenix but I guess as I tell my sons, "it is okay to not be okay, it just isn't ok to stay that way." So I will accept this heaviness as I watch this beautiful snow falling. I will accept this transformation that I am undergoing now knowing that I can get up from the ground again as I have before and eventually I will be ok. 

The Lord is my Helper

 Well it is a new year, into it I guess we are and after the past six months I feel like I have been through years of struggle. I have maintained from thing to thing, hurdle to hurdle but I feel like there is always something next on the horizon to navigate through. That is when I cling to the Lord......My momma used to always say, "Call on Jesus he is the only help I know" and boy was she right!

When I am alone and I am weary he is there.  When I feel weak as if I cannot go on he is there. When I need someone to listen to me gripe and moan he is there. He is ALWAYS THERE! I am reminded today of Psalm 62:8 which says "Trust in him, at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge."  

What a blessing that is today, through this journey I have been on and EVERY SINGLE DAY that we have him with us and to listen to us when we feel like there is no one who can even begin to understand. 

Do not get me wrong I have had some amazing people who have prayed with Alex and I and for us and walked with us through each step we have taken on this path we are on but even people sometimes get tired of hearing the same thing over and over I mean we are only human!

The blessing is that God never ever tires of hearing us, being with us in prayer which for me is like my conversation with God. I am so grateful today for my relationship with him and how he sustains me and helps me keep moving. 

I am still pretty broken these days and while I still do not understand why this has happened and I feel the hurt so deeply I have confidence in my God and I know that he is faithful to me, always has been and I will praise him, I will continue to praise him!!

If somehow you find this and read it and you do not know the Lord I invite you to trust in him and seek him in your life. Where others may fail you God will be with you always, where others may hurt you he made us in HIS IMAGE like him to bring him glory and living a life for him is like a blessing you cannot feel any other way. 

I have hope today. I have faith and I know I will find the joy again and healing from all this I have been through in Christ.....

Keep your head in the stars!

-KMad out